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My wife and I attended several Christmas parties this year where we were asked to bring a gag gift or something you have around the house.  For one party, I decided to run to the dollar store and find something to give as a gift.  I ended up putting together a holiday party survival kit.  We placed each item in a box layered in tissue with a letter on top for the person who received the gift to read and reveal each item in turn.

The letter we included follows:

Happy Merry Christmas to our dearest yuletide friend –

What you have in front of you is a holiday party recovery kit. Please be so kind to read this note aloud to those within earshot and hold each item from the bag high in the air so that we can all share your gift with you. And Merry Christmas.

Now, this is a recovery kit. You’ll likely be utilizing these wonderful items on the morning after a glorious celebration. If you managed to make it home with a clear mind and conscience, pour yourself a cup of warm coffee and welcome the morning like the champion you are…

Remember those appetizers you couldn’t stop eating? Was there a tray of food you didn’t sample? Maybe you should have paced yourself a little or shown some restraint. Well, never fear, your stomach will eventually stop that churning. For temporary relief, we’ve included for you some Pepto – chewable pink bismuth.

Did you stick to soda? Maybe a couple glasses of wine? Did you, possibly, as some have been known to do, partake of a little too much holiday Yule? The morning after could be a looooooooooong one. Over-consumption can lead to dehydration which causes joint pain, especially in the extremities, and throbbing, pounding head-aches. Grab the bottle of water, take two Excedrin and climb back in bed; try to get some rest. You abused your system and it’s getting revenge.

Those caustic, mood-altering beverages can encourage even the most reserved individual to say and do some things he or she would never do in a normal state of mind. What exactly did you say last night? What exactly did you do? Perhaps it’s time to lay low for a bit. We’ve included a disguise – if you must leave the house, perhaps you should go incognito.

Finally, how’d your date go? How much fun did you have? Did you have THAT much fun? Did you let her or him take advantage of your impaired state? Well, we don’t need any little surprises in 9 months. Better to find out now and start picking out nursery furniture. Included is a home pregnancy test for you or your mate that’s guaranteed to be at least 50% accurate.

Well – hope you had fun. Maybe next year you’ll have a little less fun. We can hope.